{2.24.04}

earlier this morning

i'm really feeling right now....this huge urge to bring somebody down. if i'm going down, somebody has to come with me. i get compared to someone. i'm told that i deserve more grief in my life than this person because they are honest and trustworthy and hardworking. don't give me that crap. if only you know the truth behind the facade. you are ignorant to the situation and i am just aching to enlighten you. but i know that wouldn't be the fine thing to do. it wouldn't be right to extend my own pain and suffering to others. but oh how i want to! it just doesn't seem fair. someone come slap me and tell me the right thing to do because i am just boiling and looking for an easy way out. gah!

{12:12 pm}

i was a starvin marvin after lab today, but i didn't feel like spending money on lunch. someone already gave away my $20 i was saving. so i decided to donate some blood, strictly for the free food of course. [sarcasm] i would never try to help others out of the goodness of my heart. [/sarcasm] it's a very relaxing process. i seem to have become a pro. i fill up the plasma bag pretty quickly because my vein just loves to squirt squirt squirt all over the damn place. i guess giving blood is proof to my dad that i'm not shooting up or having unprotected sex. the nurse lady STRONGLY recommended i go get a new doctor though. a pediatrician is not ideal for pap smears and mammograms. and with my family history, i should have been tested years ago. i saw my good friend candice at the blood drive. she was scared because it was her first time donating. but it's really not so bad. i've only been in pain once, and that was because the lady who stuck me had old, arthritic hands.

i just ran into my good friend rachel here at the creighton library. it's nice to catch up on old times, find out what's been going on since then, etc.

i had something to say, but i keep forgetting what it was. blah.

{12:44 pm}

{2.25.04}

seth brought forth a very intriguing request last night. he wants me to come visit him for spring break. he said he'd pay for my plane ticket, my hotel room.... i wonder if i should take up the offer.

i don't know. i've been really out of it. falling asleep early, waking up late. my cell phone acted as a very reliable alarm clock, but that's gone now. i have to work tonight and tomorow night and i have a paper due on friday. someone help me. i can't concentrate on a damned thing!

{9:47 am}

{2.26.04}

stuff to read if you're bored.

{3:18 pm}

i remember what i wanted to say the other day. after some personal research, i've decided that i want to become a therapist. maybe for depression or sex or relationships or just any old advice. i've only gotten a really gushy feeling my heart after finding out that my advice worked for someone. i admire dr. drew for answering people's questions about their bodies and physical activities. i enjoy educating others. i enjoy listening and advising. the other day my good friend jon told me that one of heroes was david sedaris. it made me smile knowing that i had introduced jon to sedaris' writings. hero is a strong word. i dunno, it just made me feel good. a great deal of my friends always come to me with various questions, looking for answers. i like being able to help them,.so i've decided that that is what i want to do with my life. now the question is, do i want to by a psych major or go pre-med?

{3:21 pm}

do you ever like watching other people get pampered, like "a makeover story" on tlc? yeah, me too. mostly because you can learn a lot of good tips to use for yourself. i gave myself a mini-pampering today. i can't really afford a haircut anymore, so i tried trimming it myself. i really want to go to LA for spring break, and i want to make sure i look fantabulous if i do. seth offered to pay for everything - he just misses me so much. and i miss him, too. the hardest part is finding an ideal time to approach my father with the question of whether or not i can go. the sooner we buy the plane ticket, the cheaper it will be. i may be 18, but i don't want to go without his permission. i don't want to disappear for a week and not let him know where i'm at. going out on the town for a night is a different story. if i went out of town i'd be calling home every day to check in. i've traveled without my family a few times before, but never on my own. i think boarding the plane on my own would give me a renewed sense of independence. i miss seth very much, and this is a great opportunity for me to "find myself." spring break - i need a break from my life. i don't want to be stuck at home, wallowing in my room as i do on a day-to-day basis. i want to go out and enjoy life. i want to go out to dinner and go to the beach and go to the pier. i absolutely love california, and i'm dying to go back. just for a little while. i want to spend time in a warmer atmosphere! this dreary weather is certainly not helping my depression any. spring break is right after midterms, and i think taking a trip would relieve a great deal of tension. i don't want to go to cancun and get wasted every day. that's not a vacation, it's a week-long party. i want to be able to go to the beach with the most special person in the world and relax in the sun and sip a fruit smoothie and enjoy the serene view of waves rolling up to shore. i didn't get to spend much time at the beach on my last visit. oh, i want to go back so bad! can anyone think of a good way to ask my dad for permission? i need all the help i can get.

{3:21 pm}

my hero

randy milholland of something positive.

i was perusing the ubercon site, and after looking through pictures i came to one simple conclusion. gamers are geeks! funny as hell, but nerdy as shit. read the webcomic. you'll pee your pants. that is, if you're not some overly sensitive, easily offended pussy. but you wouldn't be if you were reading my site, would you? now get outta here.

{7:21 pm}

{2.27.04}

petition

send lisa to california. sign up in the comment box.

(donations to pay off phone bill accepted via paypal)

{9:55 pm}

{2.28.04}

i just found out the hard way why they make different kinds of nair products....OWW!!!

work was hellish. we had major sales plus a bajillion coupons and oy, it was just stressful. my nine-hour shift was nine hours too long. but monies is monies and that's all we care about. hmm, and hot boys.

{11:39 pm}

{2.29.04}

happy leap day

so i like sitting around in my bathrobe. i leave my door locked so i can work on my midterms in peace. why don't they get that? i want to go to LA, but even if my dad said yes, i don't think i could have the worry of bad midterm grades hanging over my head. so please, when i ask you to leave me alone, do it. thanks.

p.s. work sucked.

{10:42 pm}